First of all, I can say that I live a supposedly happy life.

I have an almost perfect family that grew strong over the years of hardships and mistakes.
I have many, many friends whom are fun to be with, and as far as I know, they value me.
I am a consistent honor student and an organization officer at one of the finest universities in the country.
I have a girlfriend who loves me so much and and is actually the first person who thinks in just as the same wavelength as mine.

But then again. Why of all things, nature just seems to say discreetly to me that there's still something wrong?

Of all the things, why do I have to be responsible for some mistakes? Why should I be the cause of people's problems, well in fact I do really try my BEST. Doing my best to make them happy. Doing my best to make myself happy.

Is it because I am just too darn insensitive? That I balance things the way it makes the greatest benefit on me and EVEN to others? That I don't show my appreciation at such things? That in some cases, I fall into a silent, albeit a well-approachable and understanding state? Am i just too plain bored at things? Or am I just a plain boring person?

I am trying my best at understanding things.

Well I think I know the problem. I accept things first before I understand.

Still, I am OBLIGED to be perfect, either due to public demand or personal urges.

I don't care if I am conceited, that others may think that I have a false sense of pride or importance in myself. I don't care if I'm egoistic, that I love talking about my successes and other accomplishments. I don't care if I'm a feeler, that I blame and involve highly of myself when it comes to this and to other things. Doesn't matter that much to me anymore.

What matters to me is that the world that I live in is not enough for me. Or maybe I'm not worthy enough to live in this world.

I just want to say that I am getting tired of all this stuff, though thankfully I have not thought of giving up, yet.

Go ahead, say that to me that I am not contented, that I don't find satisfaction in things. That I still wanna find something worth understanding.

One thing's for sure, I am happy, but I'm not happy.